The reason I wanted to die, was that seagulls were squawking down by the wharf. They floated off at the mercy of the waves. Peck away at my past, too, before you fly off. The reason I wanted to die, was that our apricot tree blossomed on my birthday. When I dozed off in its dappled sunlight, I wondered if I could join all the dead bugs and return to dust. Peppermint candy. The lamplight of a fishing harbour. A rusted arch bridge. A discarded bicycle. In front of a stove in a wooden station building, but there’s nowhere my heart can embark. Today was exactly the same as yesterday. ”If you want to change tomorrow you have to change today!” I get that. I get it. But still… The reason I wanted to die, was that my heart had become hollow. The reason I cry about how unsatisfied I am, is surely because I’m wishing for fulfillment. The reason I wanted to die, was that my shoelaces had come untied. I was never really that good at re-tying them. My relationships with others are same way, too. The reason I wanted to die, was that a teenager was staring right at me. And now I’m prostrated atop my bed, apologizing to my younger self. The dim light of the computer. The ambient noise from the floors above. A bird-caged boy, plugging his ears to block out the interphone chime. I’m fighting with an enemy I can’t even see, like I’m Don Quixote in this 10×10 bedroom. And in the end, what I’m fighting for is a truly unseemly thing. The reason I wanted to die, was that I was called a cold-hearted person. The reason I cry that I long to be loved, is that can’t unlearn the warmth of another person’s touch. The reason I wanted to die, was that you smile so beautifully. The reason I can’t stop thinking about death, must be that I take living too seriously. The reason I wanted to die, was that I still hadn’t met you yet! If the world has people like you in it, then I like the world a little bit more. If the world has people like you in it, then I have a little bit more hope for the world.